


just once

by Yutaczennie13



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Smut, Gay Panic, Idiots in Love, Im new to ao3, Just Fuck Already, Lovey Dovey, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Sweet love, but its okay, dotae, dotae nation, doyoung hates love, moslty sweet stuff, nct ship, not just porn, taeyong loves doyoung, they need to fiGuRE IT OUT
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:15:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27269317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yutaczennie13/pseuds/Yutaczennie13
Summary: taeyong likes doyoung but hed never admit it. doyoung loves taeyong but hes to scared to admit it. this is the story of how their friendship developed into more...
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Taeyong
Comments: 9
Kudos: 58





	1. the beginnings

doyoung was a quiet and reserved person. he loved his donsaengs and loved to treat them to snacks after training. people everywhere complimented his singing. he was always kind but could sometimes nag a lot. he was always very organized and clean while the other trainees often left a mess in the cafeteria and piled their backpacks up in a corner of the practice room instead of placing them on the benches. 

taeyong was similar in many senses. he loved his donsaengs but didn't invite them out often, being too focused on perfecting a dance or practicing his rapping. and though he wasn't naturally organized or clean, hed learned to become so. the company had made it fairly obvious that he was on his way to becoming the leader of their newest group and he wanted to prove that he was responsible enough. 

the company was finally preparing for their debut and the sm rookies had been practicing extra hard. doyoung and taeyong would be debuting in NCT U with the 7th sense and had therefore been practicing together. this day had been particularly rough for taeyong, just days before the filming of the MV the group of 5 hadn't mastered the dance and Taeyong was getting frustrated. the choreographer had criticized doyoungs dancing and doyoung-feeling embarrassed and overwhelmed- had left the practice room quickly once the choreographer let them go. taeyong noticed doyoungs sad expression and quick pace, so he followed him, worried about his friend. 

taeyong followed him until they reached a practice booth. the soundproof walls and lack of windows made it a perfect spot for trainees to cry. doyoung went inside, unaware that he was being followed. comfortable in his isolation he started screaming. cries of frustration echoed in the small room and he screamed louder. he screamed until he felt he couldn't any longer. instead, he dropped to the floor. sad, overwhelmed, and alone. taeyong walked in slowly, not wanting to startle the younger male. 

"go away please" doyoung said facing the opposite wall and trying to wipe his tears with his sleeve. taeyong shook his head even though he knew doyoung couldn't see him. taeyong sat down opposite to doyoung moving slowly and carefully, fully aware that doyoung could sometimes be startled with too much skinship. "you can cry if you want. I won't tell anyone" taeyong nearly whispered, his hands hanging between his legs respectfully. doyoung didn't respond. "it doesn't make you any less strong if you do". still no response.

taeyong was unsure but moved next to him anyways, very gently patting his knee. "I know you'll get better, we'll get there together. and if not well fail together. and then well try together too" taeyong was fumbling with his words, not fully sure what to say to his friend, they'd never had a conversation quite this serious before if you could even call this a conversation. suddenly taeyong heard a whimper, and then a gentle sobbing. doyoung curled up even more into himself. taeyong grabbed him and laid his head on his shoulder, patting it until doyoung calmed down. "you'll be a great leader hyung". taeyong smiled to himself "I will try"

\---

taeyong was laying down on the bench in the practice room alone. he had stayed after nct127 to do some extra practicing. at the same time doyoung was trying to find a quiet, echoey place to sing and he thought the practice room would be the best place. 

taeyong was startled when doyoung came in. he sat up quickly. "what are you doing in here hyung?" doyoung asked walking towards him to put down his bag. "nothing" he simply answered. doyoung noticed taeyongs leg bobbing up and down. his hands were clamped tightly together, so much so that his knuckles were white. his hair was in a mess and he had drops of sweat rolling down his neck. "hyung did you just stop practicing?", doyoung was becoming suspicious of taeyong. "no i-i stopped like an h- an hour ago". doyoung became worried about taeyongs actions. "hyung are you okay?" was all he could ask, as he sat next to him placing his hand on the elder's shoulder. taeyong turned to the younger, doyoung could see his watery eyes "n-no doyoung I don't think so"

doyoung went to his knees as he saw taeyong starting to shake so violently he thought he would collapse. 

"taeyong- taeyong hey, you're okay, you're okay" doyoung kept repeating, grabbing taeyongs hands in his own as the boy kept shaking. "hey it's a nice day today right, just breathe with me okay? Let's just breathe" taeyong nodded rapidly, trying to calm himself down with the help of doyoung. his breathing calmed after a couple of minutes and doyoung started wiping away his hyungs tears gently with his thumb. "thank you doyoung-ah" taeyong said leaning his head on doyoungs hand, tired and sleepy. "you can't tell anyone about this" taeyong said after fully composing himself. doyoung noded.

\---

doyoung was sitting in the backstage of the shooting. he was exhausted and currently trying his hardest not to fall asleep. he'd been up since early morning helping taeyong set up what snacks the members would be eating. taeyong enjoyed his help but often felt bad for taking up so much of his time with helping the elder do HIS job. 

taeyong walked toward the couch after his shoot and saw doyoung with his sleepy eyelids. he sat down next to doyoung asking him "are you sleepy?". doyoung looked up at the sudden movement of the couch. he nodded his head and closed his eyes again. taeyong felt sorry for his friend "thank you for earlier doyoungie, you can take a break for now" doyoung thanked him without opening his eyes. 

taeyong sat there in silent company watching his friend. doyoung shifted in his seat and brought his head down to taeyongs lap watching as taeyong moved beneath him in surprise. he smiled to himself at taeyongs awkward actions. taeyong brought his hands to his sides, trying his hardest not to touch doyoung but internally he was wanting to caress the beautiful face on his lap. doyoung couldn't be happier. it was his favorite thing, taeyong panicking whenever doyoung even just touched him. his favorite thing.


	2. comforts, and questions

it was the night of the MAMA's 2016. taeyong had tried to keep his cool, for the well being of his members, so that they wouldn't be nervous. but internally he was wanting doyoung to hold his hands the same he had that day when he had an anxiety attack. and secretly he wanted the younger male to run his warm and uncalloused thumb under his eyes. they were finally seated and enjoying the show. taeyong had almost forgotten why he was nervous, when the announcers announced the nominees for the "rookie of the year award" he was once again anxious.

his legs started fidgeting and it was becoming hard for him to breathe. taeyong clutched his chest, trying his hardest to make his heart work, doyoung, sitting just a seat away, sensed taeyongs uneasiness. he leaned over and grabbed his hand tightly "It's a nice day today" he told taeyong while pulling his hand away from his heart and down between his legs. taeyong was able to breathe again but still had a hard time fully calming down. 

the announcers began to speak again "and the winner is......NCT 127" the crowd cheered and the members all stood up and waited for taeyong to lead them but all taeyong could do was hug doyoung, burrowing his face in the younger neck. " its a nice day" doyoung whispered in his ear. 

\---

the members had taken a break between comebacks and doyoung couldn't think of a single fun thing to do. taeyong was also bored in his room. not sure of what to do he started roaming the living room while listening to some music. it was soft music, the type to be categorized as slow dance music at a school dance. he swayed around in his basketball shorts and hoody. 

it was a couple of minutes later that doyoung heard his hyungs music from his room. he wanted to go out and dance for a while, being bored of sitting on his bed scrolling through Instagram. he tiptoed into the living room, not sure if taeyong even wanted company. 

he was reassured as taeyong turned to look at him with a warm smile and waved his hand so that hed come in. doyoung walked over, standing in front of taeyong. taeyong, sensing doyoungs awkwardness, grabbed on of doyoungs hands and started moving him around until he could dance by himself. the two boys danced around waving their hands around and giggling at each other for their weird dancing. 

suddenly taeyong felt a hand on his waist. taeyong was surprised at doyoungs move. he tried to back away but doyoung held him in place. doyoung gave taeyong a knowing look, asking to just let it happen. taeyong got closer placing his hands on the other male's shoulders and laid his head on the slightly taller man's chest. 'this is comfortable' doyoung thought to himself. he wanted to be like this forever.

\---

the members had just moved into their new dorms. it was decided that mark and haechan would be sleeping in the nct127 dorms which meant taeyong had the difficult task of setting up some rules for the other members. he called all the over-aged members into taeil yuta and winwins room(seeing as it was the largest). the three roommates along with johnny,doyoung, and jaehyun surrounded the leader for the meeting he was about to start. "I wanted to call you all in because we just moved into this house and we need to settle some ground rules. you might've noticed haechan and mark arent here". taeyong paused for a second, not entirely sure how to continue the meeting.

"they are underage, and we are all under a dating ban which technically means we cannot bring people into the house" the members all looked slightly uncomfortable, especially johnny and taeil who were the eldest and were currently being told they weren't allowed to have sex in the dorms by their dongsaeng. but taeyong ignored the looks and continued anyway, knowing this was a conversation they needed to have. "to be honest in any other situation I would allow you all to bring whoever you wanted so long as your were being respectful and CAREFUL" he emphasized the last word, hoping that members understood that he didn't want to be an uncle at such a young age. "but because we will have two underage kids in the house, you are not allowed to bring any girls-" taeyongs breathe hitched for a second, making direct eye contact with doyoung before continuing "or boys..." he waited for a reaction from doyoung, or any other member, but nobody moved. "until the two youngest are legal adults" 

taeyong had always sensed something from doyoung. maybe something telling him that he wasn't completely straight. even their member ten had mentioned that he got "gay vibes" from doyoung. to taeyong this was a way of testing the waters about whether he was or wasn't. if doyoung had just reacted in some way maybe taeyong would know. but now he was left more confused than before. 'did doyoung not react because he's straight and so he didn't care about the addition of 'boys' or did he not react because he was trying to be non chalant about his sexuality? Or did he not think his sexuality was something to be flaunted- and just wanted to live his life?' but he didn't have too much time to think about that. he had to finish this meeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please comment if you like it or hate it lol(but be nice). i would really love some feedback and please come back for more <3<3<3


	3. resolvements

taeyong and doyoung hadn't talked in a while. taeyong wasn't completely sure why doyoung was ignoring, or at least avoiding him. taeyong had gone on in his brain about whether to bring it up or not. finally, he thought he could at least ask the eldest for help. taeil, being the wise man he was, told taeyong that the only thing he could do was talk to him. "I know you guys have a special relationship. the other members haven't noticed but I know you guys at the very least hold a special place in each other's hearts- whether that's romantic or otherwise. it isn't my place to ask or know. but I do know that you wouldn't want that beautiful relationship to go to waste because you aren't man enough to talk about it"

taeyong stayed silent for a while, scared that if he opened his mouth he would start to cry. once he felt composed enough he began. "but what am I suppose to do? I don't know what I feel for him but I know that I at least cant leave him". taeils heart warmed at the younger males confession. "you don't have to talk about your 'relationship' right now. just ask him whats wrong and fix it. you guys have more than enough time to figure out your emotions any other time" taeyong thanked his hyung, he knew he had to talk with doyoung. taeyong got up go to doyoungs room once again thanking taeil. "and taeyong" taeil called out before he left "maybe the fact that you aren't sure of your emotions means that there are some emotions." taeyong nodded only pretending to understand what he meant.

taeyong walked down the hall to doyoungs room, finding him in his bed with the covers pulled over him."hyung what are you doing here?" he said clearly surprised by taeyongs presence. "do you not want me here?" taeyong said trying to sound teasing but instead coming out as a plea. doyoung shook his head "no, I was just.. surprised " taeyong came into the room, and doyoung offered him a seat on the bed. "I noticed you were kind of avoiding me and i-i wanted to fix that" taeyong regretted his phrasing but knew it was too late. doyoung seemed offended. "I'm not avoiding you and there's no way you can 'fix it'" he said in a slightly mocking manner. "I'm sorry doyoung, there's obviously something wrong and I want to make it better so we can be friends again" doyoung wasn't having it. "you're not my friend, your my hyung and it would do you best to act like it" that hurt taeyong, more than doyoung expected and he perhaps felt bad about it. taeyong sadly got up getting ready to leave but doyoung grabbed his arm. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. you're the best hyung" this made taeyong feel a bit more optimistic about the conversation

"hyung sometimes you make fun of me and I'm okay with it but other times I just want to be the donsaeng you love and care for. I want to be able to mess with you but I also want to have caring conversations without you making fun of me. it seems like that these days" taeyong couldn't believe what he was hearing. yes, hed been teasing doyoung more than usual but he thought it could only make them closer. now he felt bad for making doyoung feel like he didn't care. "doyoungie I'm so sorry" he said placing his hand on doyoungs lap, frankly a little surprised that doyoung didn't move it. "I wouldn't have been so harsh if I knew you felt that way. ill try to be more caring. and you're right, I should be a better hyung" doyoung shook his head "I do still want to be able to joke around and you are a great person" taeyong smiled at him with a warm heart. "ill take care of you doyoungie. we'll do this together."

\---

taeyong walked into doyoungs room "happy birthday doyoungie!!" he screamed making his cutest aegyo face. doyoung thanked him, sitting up in his bed, allowing space for taeyong to sit next to him. it was too early in the morning for this and they had a schedule today but doyoungwas okay with it because he could see taeyong in all his morning glory, his hair messy, his pajamas too low on his hips and his chest out on display. 

in taeyongs hand was a present neatly wrapped in pink wrapping paper. doyoungs eyes wandered the box surprised at how the holds were all in the perfect degree and not a piece of it was wrinkled "you did not wrap this" he said bumping his shoulder against taeyongs. they both laughed "my mom helped a little- open it" doyoung ripped the paper, feeling a little guilty, knowing that taeyong had surely taken a long time to make it this perfect.

inside was a beige polaroid camera with stacks of film of different colors. doyoung gasped at the present, it was wonderful "so you can take lots of pictures of me" taeyong said, teasing the younger male. "so we can take lots of pictures together" doyoung responded, not looking at taeyong, but instead at the different colored films. taeyong smiled at doyoungs cheerfulness over the present. 

'thank God he likes it' 

\---

doyoung and johnny had never been super close. mostly because while doyoung was this nitpicking, judgy, somewhat- serious man, johnny was the goofball of the group, laughing all the time and being the cause of other peoples laughs. its not like they didnt get along, but doyoung wanted to be closer since they would be together in a team for many years to come.

doyoung had finally made up his mind to ask johnny out for ice cream. he opened the door to a moaning girl in johnnys bed with him on top of her. going at it. doyoung realized what he was looking at too late "oh god I'm so sorry" he exclaimed before shutting the door. johnny knew he fucked up and so did doyoung. doyoung walked into the living room where taeyong was sitting. he didnt know whether to let taeyong know what was happening in johnnys room or let him find out by himself. but knowing taeyong he thought telling him now might make it better for johnny in the future.

"what happened doyoungie?" taeyong asked with wide eyes. doyoung was walking frantically from one side of the room to the other, but taeyongs question made him stop in his tracks. he thought for a second and answered."taeyong hyung, i just saw johnny with a girl in his room" taeyong stood up in an instant, with rage in his eyes and a loudness to his voice doyoung had never seen before. "hey hyung okay i know this is bad but haechan and mark are in their rooms and if they hear something it'll get so much worse". taeyong nodded, and tried to calm down if only for the sake of the two youngest. a couple of seconds later the girl came out of johnnys room, him following closely behind and walking her out as quickly as possible.

taeyong signalled for johnny to follow him and doyoung followed after, determine to keep taeyong from freaking out too much on johnny. they walked into taeyongs room and doyoung made sure to lock the room.

"johnny. what the fuck were you thinking?" taeyong said, obviously forgetting he was suppose to be quite. "hyung" doyoung warned and taeyong sighed. "explain to me one good reason i shouldn't tell the company what you did?" johnny was surprised at the leaders words. sure taeyong was the leader but he always just treated everyone as a friend and johnny was older so this was definitely a new experience for him. "taeyong im sorry, you know what its like. we're young and we're horny and girls are so hot, you would've done the same" johnny explained. taeyong was shocked and doyoung was wondering what would be his response.

"no i wouldn't have done the same. i would've taken the person somewhere else. i very clearly told you all that you couldn't bring people into the dorms." doyoung rested a hand on his shoulder reminding him to bring it down a bit. "what if haechan had found you instead of doyoung. what then?" "taeyong its not like they don't know". ofcourse taeyong knew they knew. the two boys were no where near innocent but they didnt need any bad influences. "what they don't know is how hard it is to even get a girl in here. you didn't bring her in through the front door. what if they see you with a girl and think they can just walk someone right into the building?" johnny stayed quiet, he knew how dangerous it would be if someone found out they were bringing girls into the building, especially the two youngest.

johnny apologized and promise to find another place to fuck. he left the room so that taeyong and doyoung were left alone. "hyung you know every time you talk about sex you say 'person' instead of just 'girl'" doyoung giggled which made taeyong feel judged. "its good to be inclusive, i don't want anyone feeling like their weird if they do like guys" doyoung nodded feeling that taeyong was offended "you're right, I'm sure there's people in the team who arent straight" "is that bad" taeyong asked, anticipating his response. "no its not bad. i just don't like labels"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter is *spicy* but not super *spicy*. let me know what yall think? will doyoung anf taeyong EVER get together? lol


	4. revelations

taeyong stood in the middle of the room with doyoung in front of him, the other members and crew surrounding them. doyoung had a blindfold on and his senses heightened. he felt the closeness of the unidentified member before he even touched him, and instantly knew it was none other than taeyong. he knew that feeling from that time they danced in each other's arms, he knew the smell from how often they stayed together, he knew that warmth which was often hard to resist. he wanted to lean back into his hyung but doyoung was aware of the cameras and as confident as he was, he didn't want to get in trouble. so he stood there until taeyong touched him.

taeyong was happy to hug doyoung. he swung his arms over doyoung. it would've caused anyone else to be surprised at the sudden feeling, but doyoung knew who he was dealing with and he didn't want to waste a single second. doyoung grabbed taeyongs hands first, feeling to make sure it was in fact taeyongs bony grandpa hands. and then he did something nobody expected.

especially not taeyong.

doyoung ran his hands up taeyongs hips and then settled on his butt, rubbing and feeling. 'oh this is definitely taeyong' he thought to himself, and though he wanted the moment to last longer, to feel taeyong pressed up against him with his hands on his ass, he knew he couldn't. He was saving that for some other time.

he slides his hands up with the intention of feeling his abs but what did he find on his way? taeyongs half hardened dick pressing against his hand. taeyong squirmed away as his face turned red and the embarrassment grew. doyoung tried to ignore it as he moved his hand to their original destination which was taeyongs flexed abs.

the second the time was over taeyong practically sprinted back to his seat in a hurry, in case anyone could see his situation.

"how did you know it was taeyong?"

"he has lean abs"

\---

taeyong could not stop thinking about doyoungs hands all over him. especially since doyoung would mention his semi almost any time they were together. "shut up, what did you expect" doyoung would always laugh at his response but he always questioned whether it was because someone touched his ass or because he touched his ass.

taeyong knew it was most definitely because it was doyoung but he would NEVER admit that. instead, he would imagine doyoung looking down at him as he sucked him off, or cornering taeyong so that he couldn't move and messaging him under his pants (maybe even under his underwear). but most embarrassingly he would sometimes think about doyoung in the shower as he stroked himself off and moan his name out when he finally did come. and holy shit was it awkward when he would leave the restroom and find doyoung in the hall on the way to his room. but he was sure doyoung was clueless (which he was)of what was happening in the shower or what he would moan out in the very end.

nothing stopped taeyong from thinking about his beloved friend and he was starting to think it was a problem. how every time there was nothing else to think about, his mind would wander to that day they slow danced together. or the way that doyoung was the only person who could calm him down during an anxiety attack. and the way he made him feel when he was close enough to feel the heat of his body on his own. taeyong felt insane.

\---  
Yuta and Jaehyn were on the floor fighting, punches being thrown- mostly being directed towards Yuta, but he fought back as well as he could. haechan, mark, and jungwoo stood nearby but did nothing to stop the fight. doyoung frantically tried to stop them, but being weaker than both, and not knowing a single thing about meditating situations, he was too scared to do anything. 

doyoung- after mustering up plenty of courage- grabbed jaehyuns shoulder and pulled him away from yuta, only to be socked in the face by the younger male. the other members gasped. his anger boiled as the two members got up from the floor. "alright that is it!" doyoung said stomping his foot on the floor which made the coffee table shake. "you wait until taeyong comes back! go to your rooms" 

the remaining members brought some ice for doyoungs swelling cheek and he sat on the couch waiting for his hyung to get home. 

when the door opened doyoung sat up waiting for taeyong to enter the living room. "I'm home" "took you long enough" doyoung said annoyed at his hyungs tardiness and still angry about his bruised face. that was the first thing taeyong noticed when he walked in, doyoungs rosy and swollen cheek. he dropped his things in an instant and ran to sit on the floor in front of doyoung. "doyoungie what happened?" his hand caressed doyoungs cheek and doyoungs hand held taeyongs hand softly against his face. "your children happened" 

taeyong would've laughed in any other situation but he was too worried at this moment. "oh I'm sorry I couldn't be here earlier" he patted doyoungs lap with one and held his cheek with the other. "the boys are in their rooms, I told them not to come out until you came home". "did it hurt doyoungie?" taeyong was too preoccupied with his little dongsaengs boo-boo to care much about yuta and jaehyun. "I'm fine, taeyong you have to talk to them" doyoung said a little uncomfortable with the attention but completely accepting it. "ill go in a bit, lets get you something for that" taeyong said grabbing doyoungs hand and leading him to the medicine cabinet. doyoungs face reddened at taeyongs warm hand against his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys.... they like each other. OMG the sexual tension! please let me know if you like it. what do you think about the progression? what should happen between the two?


	5. new boundaries

taeyong looked around his empty room. the members had just moved into a bigger and nicer dorm room. one in which taeyong was allowed to sleep alone- strictly because if he were to sleep with anyone else, they would be disturbed with the sounds of him coming home so late.   
the room was dark when he got there, and the boxes surrounded his walls as he hadn't unpacked yet. the rooms silence made him all too aware of his loneliness and all he could think to do was get on the floor. his knees touched the floor with a loud bang, supporting the rest of his body. he crawled into a corner where he thought maybe hed be safe. tears swelled in his eyes as he sobbed out loud. it was too lonely.   
doyounf opened the door in a hurry. "i heard a loud noise" he said explaining his presence in the room. He didnt expect to see taeyong shaking with his eyes shut closed. Taeyong opened his eyes and looked at doyoung with a stare that physically broke doyoung “its so empty” ]. doyoung ran to his side, hugging the older male close to himself so that taeyongs head laid just on doyoung heart.  
“Its a nice day today taeyongie. Im here, its okay” he whispered gentle things into taeyongs ears until he was calm enough to speak again. Taeyong pulled himself away from doyoung enough so that he could look him in the eyes“I dont want to sleep here” he said (or whimpered). Doyoung- not being able to stanned the sad look of his loving hyung- pulled him back into his chest and caressed his head. “We can sleep in the living room. Youll sleep on the couch and ill pull out a mattress.” doyoung stated, later adding a questioning “okay?” as an after thought.   
Taeyong nodded and they arranged the sofa and mattress outside. They laid down for a while, the both of them not being able to sleep. “Doyoungie?” taeyong questioned, no louder than a whisper, doyoung hummed in response “can you… hold me?” doyoung was surprised but he had no intentions of saying no. the two squished into the much too small coach as doyoung held onto taeyong tightly making sure taeyong knew he was there.   
Doyoung thought about what it would be like if some one walked into this sight. The leader being the little spoon to weak and defensless bunny who was easy to tease. It wouldnt be right. Once he was sure taeyong was completely asleep, having waited maybe an hour or two, he let go and slid into the mattress on the floor. But not before giving taeyong a gentle kiss on the head.   
\---  
“Doyoung can i tell you something?” “yes hyung?” the two walked next to each other under the warmth of the sun. they had gone to the park together to enjoy the beautiful whether   
Taeyong was not one to control his emotions. The members constantly teased him in their trainee days about how often taeyong seemed to fall in love, and how hard he did fall.   
To taeyong, the members knew, love was essential, whether it came from his parents, or his members, or a partner, taeyong needed to feel loved to feel useful. Of course it was much harder to fall in love when he couldnt meet people- thanks to SM’s dating ban- so he had to constantly remind himself that his members' love would have to do. For a long time he was certain that the platonic love he got from his members would be the only thing he would get until he was 40.   
But that was before doyoungs stupid beautiful face started making him feel weak in the knees and overwhelmed with some sort of emotion taeyong did not want to dive into.   
Taeyongs little crush turned into a passion. And it grew each and every time doyoung so much as looked at him. His longing stares, his gentle touches, the way ‘taeyongie’ rolled of his tongue anytime they were alone (in a completely non-sexual way - though taeyong would most definitely not complain if their times alone did become sexual)   
To be very truthful, Taeyong felt that he needed Doyoung to live. Like without his existence, even with all the bickering and teasing, taeyongs life would have no meaning, no value, no...nothing.   
But of course taeyong wasn't going to do anything about it, because from the time taeyong had met doyoung, doyoungs view of love and the things that came with it were almost the opposite of his own. Doyoung didn't need love, it was a luxury and he didn't need the attention of someone romantically, it was just something that might happen with someone. In the time they had known each other, doyoung had not once introduced the members to a girlfriend (or boyfriend, taeyong reminded himself).   
This was what troubled taeyong. Why confess if he wouldn't know the outcome? Why ruin the thing that the two clearly(?) had? So he stayed quiet “nothing doyoungie, lets go get patbingsu”   
Doyoung smiled. That was his favorite.

\---  
doyoung was walking towards the shower when he was surprised by a noise. a loud moan came from the room down the hall, taeyongs to be exact. though he didn't want to, his curiosity got the better of him and he made his way towards the door. 'what would taeyong sound like if someone were fucking him? what would taeyong sound like if I were fucking him'. doyoung scolded himself for thinking that way, knowing just how wrong it was to think about the groups leader in that way.  
Still he stood at the door and heard his hyungs sweet moans and whimpers. He thought about opening the door. about asking taeyong to shower with him- even if it just meant seeing taeyong naked and nothing more. but doyoung felt that would be crossing some sort of invisible line. something too intimate. So instead he opened the door to see Taeyong laid on his bed, covered on top of him as the tent around his dick and hands grew and fell as he stroked himself.  
taeyong was surprised, and embarrassed, and unsure of what to do, so he sat up, pulling the covers so that as much of it was piled up on top of his erection, trying as hard as he could to not be so obvious. but his sweaty body, his chest rising rapidly, and the hair sticking to his head was too obvious for doyoung to ignore. "relax hyung, i know what you were doing". taeyong wasn't exactly sure what to say,"i should've been more quiet". doyoung shook his head"no ones home, the only one that could've heard was me"-' maybe that was your intention'(doyoung kept this thought to himself, but sure as hell thought it.)  
"besides i really doubt they would've cared, '' Doyoung said nonchalantly. taeyongs confidence grew, "why did you care?"doyoung was flustered at taeyongs question, and his immediate reaction was to take a step back so that he was closer to the door. but he remembered why he had come in. "i can help you hyung" taeyongs eyes widened at what Doyoung was proposing. "simply as members, just helping. it's not a big deal" he said, trying to convince himself more than taeyong.  
"Well could it at least be as friends?" doyoung chuckles a little at taeyongs remark, but took it as permission to kneel in front of him. "just a handjob, nothing more okay?" taeyong nodded though he was a little disappointed that doyoung wouldn't be putting his dick inside him. but also at the fact that this would probably be the only time they would do this.  
still his dick hardened all the way again and he was fully anticipating doyoungs hands.  
so he decided to take it in completely. the way doyoung purposefully placed his hands on the bed instead of on his laps, to make it "between members". the way he knelt down first so that his butt was touching his heels but then lifted himself into his knees to get in a better position. the way he looked up at taeyong for just a second before breaking eye contact and looking at his covered dick. he grabbed at the covers and slid them over so that taeyongs fully hard penis stood. Doyoung hesitated a second, scared that at any moment taeyong would pull away, realizing that this was -in fact- a mistake. because doyoung was entirely sure already that this was a mistake, he just decided not to care, but would taeyong not care?  
doyoung ran his finger experimentally on the vein at the bottom of taeyong's girth. Taeyong let out a low moan, his hips instinctively rocking upwards to feel any bit of doyoungs hand. Doyoung looked up at Taeyong and noticed his tightly closed eyes and tense body. He started moving his hand up and down, not being able to keep his eyes off of taeyong because he looked so damn sexy. his hair clinging to his head with sweat and his lips hung open as whimpers and moans rolled out, his eyes still closed and pointed upwards at the sensation taking over his body. taeyongs hands gripped the cover and he couldn't handle it much longer, using his bicep to cover his mouth, like he'd done so many times before when he was desperate to moan out the younger's name while masturbating.  
he came into doyoungs hand and doyoung kept moving his hand until everything was out of taeyong. 'he's loud' doyoung thought as his own erection grew. doyoung wanted to lick his tip, to taste his juice, but decided against it. so he got up and opened the door with his clean hand. "you're welcome hyung," he said as he left the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow wow, things are happening! guys please leave a comment, i love hearing from you guys <3


	6. retraction

doyoung would be lying if he said he didnt feel awkward since that day. anytime he was near taeyong he couldn't help but think "i know what that mans dick looks like". he knew it was childish, and they had agreed that that time was just something between friends, just doyoung helping out his friend. but that's not what it felt like. it felt like a man who gave another man a handjob despite knowing that he has feelings for him.

  
doyoung cursed at himself because he knew things wouldn't be the same, that taeyong would never see him as just another member. and he knew that he could never see taeyong as just his leader. why the fuck did he do that then? because he knew it was wrong at the time and he did it anyway and now he just wanted to die. he wanted to be murdered and fly away so that he would never have to see taeyongs beautiful face again. but oh well, the universe is a bitch, and now he has to sit next to taeyong at a company dinner as the older has his arm lazily placed on his thigh.

  
doyoung wants him to move his hand. to tell him that with just that little touch hes already growing hard in his pants but he refrained from that only swatting taeyongs hand away.

  
"why'd you do that?" taeyong said with his gorgeously big eyes. "why shouldn't I?" doyoung said trying to act like he wasn't at all effected by both taeyongs hand, and his adorable face. "alright well remind me never to touch you again!" taeyong said turning his face away from doyoung.

  
doyoung smirked, because he liked to have fun and this was the perfect opportunity. he leaned in near taeyong, so that his lips grazed the older males ear "last i remember, i was the one touching you" taeyong let out a squeak which grabbed the other members attention and doyoung fixed himself on his chair. " the chicken is spicy" taeyong replied as he fanned himself to calm his blushing. doyoung laughed to himself.

  
doyoung most definitely changed his mind a lot.

  
\---

  
The two had gone out for ice cream. Doyoung hadnt questioned it when taeyong had asked him. It was definitely just a friends thing. And he made it a point to let taeyong know. Sitting on the other side of the parlor and talking about nonsense. Not too much eyecontact, no racy jokes and absolutely no staring. Taeyong on the other hand couldnt keep his eyes off doyoung. The way he licked his spoon was fascinating, the way he waved his spoon around whenever he wanted to accentuate a part of his speech. Taeyong very genuinely wanted more. He wanted to reachover the table and grab his dongsaengs hand and not let it go.

  
But doyoung wasnt having it. He tried to ignore his hyungs caring looks, it was so hard, because he too wanted to hold his hand and caress his face. It was proving harder to do than he had anticipated and he was getting frustrated with taeyong. "Stop staring hyung" was all he could say and he could feel the air around them change. Taeyong was embarrassed and sad that doyoung didnt like his attention. He thought maybe they were getting somewhere. Maybe they could be more than just members, more than just... friends.

  
The conversation came to a halt. Neither of them wantinff to be the first to speak. Doyoung noticed that taeyong stopped eating his icecream and he lifted his own spoon towards taeyongs face so that he would taste. He thought maybe this would be enough for taeyong to stop being so sad. Doyoung felt mean, he didnt want to be the person to make taeyong feel that way. All he desperately wanted in that moment was for taeyong to smile. But taeyong turned his face away from the ice cream and pushed his hand away.

  
That did it for doyoung. He got out of the booth, not bothering to look at taeyongs face, which held a frown. Taeyong saw doyoung leave the shop from his peripheral vision but didnt dare look at him directly as he left. After a minute or so he put his head down on the bench. Scared of the tears that were threatening to spill. 'Why doesnt he like me? What am i doing wrong' his head was still down when he felt someone sit next to him so that their hips and shoulders were touching. He looked up to see doyoung holding a little teddy bear. 'Hyung, its for you' doyoung said a little down and very apologetic for making taeyong feel unappreciated.

  
Taeyong smiled at doyoung and reached out to grab the blue bear. They were okay.

  
\---

  
Taeyong rested on the bench after a long practice. Inside the studio were doyoung, taeil and johnny who wanted to practice extra before their comeback, and had asked taeyong to help them out. Now the three were packing up while taeyong sat back enjoying their chatting. Doyoung was bending down to grab his bag when taeyong noticed the red liner of his underwear under his sweat pants. Taeyongs lips shaped into a smirk. Doyoung should really pull his sweats up.

  
The other two left soon after, having finished their schedule for the day and wanting so badly to go home and rest. doyoung , however, decided to wait with taeyong so they could go home together. He sat down with a plop onto the bench next to taeyong. “Goodness doyoungie you shook the whole bench” taeyong said in a teasing manner. Doyoung stuck his tongue out and jumped up and down with his bum on the bench, trying his hardest to annoy his hyung.

  
“Sit” taeyong whined as he pressed his hands on doyoungs laps to keep him in place. Doyoung finally stopped, a smile on his face, proud of annoying taeyong. He stood up from his seat, looking down ar taeyong, “ready to go home?”

  
Taeyong lazily smiled back at doyoung. He was tired but he didnt want to sleep if it meant not being with doyoung. Still he got up and stood close to doyoung, surprised that doyoung didnt move away. He smirked at doyoung in a knowing manner and leaned over into a hug. Doyoung wrapped his arms around his hyung, fully embracing him . that is, until taeyong lowered his hands to the hem of doyoungs pants. “Taeyongie what are you doing?” doyoung asked, panicking at what he imagined taeyong would do next. Taeyong smiled brightly to himself, notiicng the little crack in doyoungs voice. He leaned into doyoung more, letting his head fall to the crook of doyoungs now stiff neck.

Taeyong lifted the hem up so that doyoungs underwear could no longer be seen and then leaned back slightly, still holding onto doyoungs waist and smiling up at him.

  
To his surprise, doyoung wasnt smiling, he was frowning. “Taeyong you cant do that” doyoung said as he tore himself away from taeyong and walked out of the room.

  
Taeyong stood there, unable to move and feeling like his organs were falling in a bottomless pit. What had he done wrong?  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I'm too scared to write porn haha. It's coming though, I just kinda want it to come naturally. Anyways please comment whatever, I love talking to you guys!!


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